On the Way to Midgar
by sanctum-c
Summary: Zack's thoughts about what he is going to do when he reaches Midgar, and why he says what he does about Aeris.


This fic is actually more of a wrapper to some headcanon ariescelestial related to me some time ago. It had always seemed highly suspicious to me that a few of Zack's lines of dialogue post-Nibelheim only ever appeared in _Final Fantasy VII_ and that other depictions of him and Cloud in the yellow truck would always cut away or otherwise avoid the moment when they were spoken:

_I know what I'm gonna do._  
_I got a place I can crash for a while..._  
_No wait, the mother lives there, too... _

It's very easy to read those lines in a negative light with regards to his relationship with Aeris, though ariescelestial noted that there was a sequence of unvoiced thoughts that allowed Zack to say that and for everything between him and Aeris to remain genuine. This fic is not compatible with _Crisis Core_'s depiction of Zack/Aerith or the events it depicted.

* * *

Zack stood up, leaning on the roof of the truck, aching to feel the rushing air on his face once again as they rumbled across the badlands around Midgar. He didn't think he was ever going to get tired of the sensation of air across his skin. Not after spending close to five years floating in Mako and breathing through a mask. Five years he'd been in that lab, watching and waiting for an opportunity to escape, to be free once more. Five years of pain, torture and horrific medical procedures; the physical scars had vanished thanks to Hojo's treatments, but he couldn't help but wince whenever he remembered any one of the million torturous moments. Sleep still proved difficult, and more than once he'd awoke in fright as Hojo had stood over him and brought the scalpel down once again. Zack shook his head. He needed to think of something else, needed to get his mind off of his recent past.

He glanced back at his companion. Cloud Strife was at least awake but sadly barely coherent, he just stared forward vacantly. Zack worried that it was far too late for him; that Cloud was a lost cause, doomed to never awaken again. He hadn't even paused when he got free though; Cloud was coming with him. He'd been his constant companion all these years and was, without a doubt, now Zack's closest friend. It was so odd to reflect that they had first met mere hours before the start of the Nibelheim mission and most of their time together was spent confined and muted.

But Cloud was alive. That simple fact ensured that Zack had to help him. The man could walk with support and guidance. He'd swallow food and water if given it. But the shy trooper who had once run back to their transport to get his helmet rather then be honest with his childhood crush, who unenhanced had taken up the Buster Sword and who had defeated Sephiroth as Zack lay critically injured, unable to move; that Cloud seemed to be absent from the shell he travelled with. Zack had tried to remember all he knew about Mako-induced comas; the affliction Cloud's symptoms most closely resembled. There were some treatments from what he recalled, there were some ways of rehabilitating a patient, but both required expertise, gil and facilities.

While that lab beneath the Shinra mansion may well have been equipped to deal with the problem, Zack was missing the expertise to begin treatments. He also needed to be out in the open and well away from that room no matter what. And what a daunting sight awaited them when they finally reached the surface; Nibelheim still standing, identical to the day Zack had last seen it, before the fire, before Sephiroth's madness.

They had walked and hitched across the continent, putting as many miles as they could between themselves and Nibelheim. Now they were finally here, the outlying regions of Midgar. Zack had never really dwelled on a justification for his destination. He was headed to Midgar; it had made sense, unless he really concentrated on it and tried to figure out the reasoning behind it. It made sense to avoid Gongaga; where better for Shinra to lie in wait and recapture them than his home town? Naturally lying low with his parents had been appealing; Zack was unsure of who he could trust anymore, but his own family was surely above suspicion. But to instead go to Midgar? The stronghold of Shinra, the company that produced Sephiroth, that let Hojo run unchecked, that had seemingly built a replica town to hide the disaster their star general had wrought?

It was an absurd decision. Wasn't it? Something would always distract him as he tried to justify his certainty that he needed to return to the capital. It was true that he had a lot he needed to take care of when he got there- no! He was getting sidelined again. Why did he think going back to the city could in any way be a good idea? It was admittedly true that the slums offered a convenient place to hide from his former employers; it was unlikely they would suspect he was literally under their noses and beneath the plates.

What would he do for a job when he got there though? He turned back towards Cloud. He'd been constantly talking to the blonde man every step of the way; never once worrying that his friend did not hear him. The former trooper, now slumped in a spare SOLDIER uniform, was his sole companion on this journey.

"Hey, Cloud, what are you going to do when we get to Midgar?"

Cloud stared ahead mutely, jostled by bumps in the road.

"I know what I'm going to do; I've got a place I can crash for a while."

Even as he spoke those words, wanting desperately to believe them, a counter-thought came crashing in. He wanted so badly to see Aeris again. She'd been one of the thoughts he clung to as he endured Hojo's mocking smile and excruciating actions, always looking forward to the time he'd see her smile again. But as time had worn on, that eagerness had faded a little. He still wanted to see her, to touch her again. But it had been five years, five long years without one word from him. From scant glances at newspapers and magazines along the way, not only had Nibelheim's destruction fully escaped any kind of mention, neither he nor Cloud's fate had been related in any way.

From Aeris's perspective it would seem as if he had left on a mission five years ago and never communicated with her again, never returned to see her. He could not for a second believe the head-strong flower girl who so delighted in speech, flowers and knowledge could possibly still pine for him as much as he did for her. She would have found someone new by now; someone who didn't break promises, someone she was still with even now. He couldn't just barge in on that, disrupt the new life she'd built for herself in his prolonged and unexplained absence. Nor could he risk calling down Shinra upon her; drag her into the mess that began five years ago with Sephiroth's madness.

But, what if she hadn't moved on? What if she still desperately hoped that one day he would walk up to her as she sold flowers, just like the first time they met. Was she hoping he'd whisk her off her feet and never let her go again? As much as he wanted Aeris to be happy, he couldn't deny he wanted her to have waited. It was a wonderful day-dream. It was also completely implausible. He grudgingly reached a compromise with himself; he'd get settled in the city, then go and see if he could find her again, see if she had that new life. If she had moved on then he wouldn't bother her ever again. If she was alone or still waiting for him, then he would apologise, explain and beg forgiveness. Then again, he couldn't be certain she was even still in the city anymore. He glanced at Cloud, oddly not wanting to admit any of this, rapidly thinking up another reason to avoid seeking out Aeris Gainsborough and Sector Five. At least at first.

"No wait, the mother lives there too. Guess that's out."

As always, Cloud gave no response, but Zack didn't let that faze him for a moment.

"Yep, gotta change my plans. No matter what, I need money first..."


End file.
